15+ Best Mitch Hedberg Quotes With Funny Pictures

Mitch Hedberg Quotes : Let’s take a look at one of the most memorable Mitch Headbug’s quotes and a liner with their notorious career. Comedian Mitch Hadberg was the owner of the fast-one-liners. best mitch hedberg quotes, mitch hedberg banana, mitch hedberg that 70s show.

Best Mitch Hedberg Quotes With Images

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. – Mitch Hedberg

People teach their dogs to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky. – Mitch Hedberg

mitch hedberg quotes

I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling, I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. – Mitch Hedberg

My roommate says, “I’m going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?” It’s like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first. – Mitch Hedberg

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don’t really know what’s happening down there. Who is the real hero? – Mitch Hedberg

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down. – Mitch Hedberg

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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake. – Mitch Hedberg

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it. – Mitch Hedberg

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall. – Mitch Hedberg

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read! – Mitch Hedberg

Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. – Mitch Hedberg

With a stop light, green means ‘go’ and yellow means ‘slow down’. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means ‘go’, green means ‘whoa, slow down’, and red means ‘where the heck did you get that banana?’ – Mitch Hedberg

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You’ll be mad, but it will be too late. – Mitch Hedberg

I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, “I’m mailing those cookies to my friend.” So I couldn’t have one. You shouldn’t make cookies untouchable. – Mitch Hedberg


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